The relationship that you have with with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you’ll ever have.
Self-love, are two words spoken and written about often that is frequently misunderstood. Rather than it being considered an action of self discovery, it’s become a concept and trendy word. So much so, that it has begun to lose its very meaning. And perhaps even if self-love was perfectly defined, staying true to its significance and daily practice can feel fleeting at best. By the time you begin to grasp its full importance, you abandon it before the the roots of self-love even begin to grow.
No accumulation of phd’s, self-help books, or liking Instagram posts beaming with self-love and radiating heart emojis are a substitute for your own personal journey of understanding and mastering what self-love means, on a deep, soul level. Memorizing or understanding things at a cognitive level is quite different than understanding them and integrating the true meaning of it down into your life and soul. The former does not, necessarily, lead to the latter. Many of you have learned this the hard way.
So, how do you grow to understand, deep down in your body, spirit, and soul what it means to love thyself?
For starters, self-love is a lifelong process of learning and unlearning. It is a daily practice, not a destination that ebbs and flows.
Self-Love is the foundation to where all confidence, courage, and real lasting love is created. Self-love does not emanate from outside. It comes from deep from within. It is that divine constant relationship you build with yourself that reflects and attracts every single aspect of your life.
Self-love is about seeing yourself fully and honestly with acceptance, love and compassion. Self-love — at its core — is the unshakable, uncompromising belief that you are worthy of love, respect, safety, and belonging, regardless of your past, race, financial status, education, sexual orientation, or body type.
Self-love means that you have a relationship with yourself built on care, trust and loyalty. You care for yourself enough to take care of yourself, to heal your past, to address your present, and take loving action where it needs to be taken. You're able to identify what you want and then focus on how to get it. You trust that you have your own back and will abandon everyone else’s expectations of you before you’ll abandon yourself. That you’ll disappoint everyone before you disappoint yourself. That you’ll forsake all others before you’ll forsake me, myself and I: you are your till death do you part. So your allegiance is to your truth and voice within.
When (self) love is mastered from the inside out you become a happy, confident, loving extension of the Universe. You dare to dream larger and wilder, forget your self-imposed boundaries and Live Limitlessly!
Here’s three simple, effective methods to strengthen your relationship with self-love.
1. Start each day with love
To begin, wake-up, look yourself square in the eye, and say to yourself, “I love you” every morning. Remind yourself of the appreciation you have for you just for being alive. Then lock that love in, and keep it with you throughout the day. This is a big one because, you are what you say to yourself. The conversations you have with your inner self, define your outer world. How? Thoughts lead to words, words lead to actions, and actions lead to consequences. When your self worth is low and your inner critic is strong, cruel, and self-deprecating, you stay stuck in the negative and develop myths about your character + capabilities. This often leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy where you find the “proof” of all your negative thoughts. When you stop harshly judging, criticizing and comparing yourself to others, and stop forcing yourself to be anyone other than who you are — you’re able to focus on the positivity, move back into love and dismantle the preconceived ideas that you have about yourself.
2. Feel + honor your feelings
It’s okay to feel all of the good, scary, f’d up, and amazing stuff you are feeling. Feelings are for feeling. Even the hard ones. It just means that you are human. Life is alchemy and your emotions are the fire that turns you into gold. Emotions are energy. They serve a wide variety of purposes that play an important role in how you think, feel and behave. Every emotion has a message for you. Your job is to feel, appreciate and receive the message. Negative emotions are simply signals that serve to remind you that change is needed. When you learn to feel and listen to your primary emotions, you open up the doors to your authentic self and start being love in action.
3. Date yourself
Dating yourself means stopping the “if only's”, the "what if's" and the “maybes”, and committing to learning and listening to the values, deeper longings and the desires of within.
This is honestly the most powerful, loving things you can do on your journey to increase self-worth and confidence. When you understand yourself better, you’re able to make better choices about everything, from small decisions like which shoes to buy to big decisions like, which friends or partners serve your future desires best, to what no longer deserves your energy, time and attention. If it’s true love you desire, you must learn how to give that same kind of love to yourself first.
Join us for the 10-day Date Yourself Challenge for simple actions of love designed for you daily.